Avoid Reacting in Anger – Stop, Look, and Listen!

Ephesians 4:26-27
“Be angry, yet do not sin. Do not let the sun set upon your anger, and do not give the devil a foothold.“

I Peter 5:8
“Be of sober spirit, be on the alert. Your adversary, the devil, prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour.“

Let’s first look at what “giving the devil a foothold” means. Sadly, this happens when we take the insults or wrongful behavior of others personally. Once we do, we engage the devil, who, in 1 Peter 5:8, is compared to a lion who seeks to devour us. A lion, as ferocious as they are, will always take advantage of the wounded and the weak before taking on the strong. It’s instinctual to take the path of least resistance, even for animals. Though Satan isn’t an animal, God compares him to a lion to help us understand how he works and to be on the alert.

A Divine Revelation

Recently, through a course of events, I ended up feeling very much like a wounded, weak animal ripe for the pickin’. I got that way after being barraged by the criticisms, frustrations, and attitudes of others that I took personally, giving the enemy a foothold. Satan wasted no time filling my head with vulgarity, sarcasm, self-pity, rage, and an intense desire to let the flesh (the lion feasting on me) out of its cage so it could devour those around me. They would have never known what hit them. 

Having a relationship with the Lord, in many ways, protects those around us from our dark fleshly side. When we stay close to the Lord through prayer and time in His Word, the lion can’t feed on our flesh; he can feed on those around us, and God is in control. As we submit to His Spirit, He does a great job of keeping our mouths, our thoughts, and our actions in check, which is a huge benefit to others. However, because of this, friends/family come to expect patience, kindness, and love from us, but rarely give much thought to where it’s coming from or why. Sadly, this can lead to expectations of us that often set us up to disappoint those we love when we do the unexpected and give them a huge dose of our flesh. This results in a shockwave of shame, guilt, hurt, and anger that brings condemnation on us and allows others all the justification they need to lay siege to our faith. Sadly, the enemy wins, and the lion has more victims to feast upon. 

Giving in to the flesh and hurting those we love also hurts God. Our quarrelsome arguments, vicious backbiting, and malicious attacks on one another grieve His heart. Again, this behavior shames both our reputation and God’s reputation in us. The momentary revenge we seek isn’t worth the soul-wrenching and painful conviction it brings from the  Holy Spirit either. 

A Divine Challenge

 So, how do we keep the lion at bay? At the beginning of this Scripture verse, it says, “Be angry, but do not sin.” Therefore, according to this Scripture, the emotion of anger is not sinful. However, anger becomes sinful when we lash out, releasing the lion from his cage to feast on others, or harbor anger toward others, allowing the lion to feast on us. 

To avoid both, I’ve learned a technique in therapy called stop, look, and listen. This technique is the only thing that keeps the lion at bay when conflicts arise. When the flesh wants to rear its ugly head, God has taught me to stop and talk things out with Him first. Then He has me look in the mirror to see if I’m guilty of the same things I am seeing in the one I am angry at. Finally, God speaks, and I listen as His loving counsel spills over me, dissipating my anger and hurt. He sifts my flesh until only His Spirit remains. This process is laid out in James 1:19-20, which says, “My beloved brothers, understand this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to anger, for man’s anger does not bring about the righteousness that God desires.”

Though this process can take some time, be patient. It can and will keep us from acting out if we do it. It also allows us to embrace our weaknesses as we yield to Christ’s strength. Whether our friends and family will ever know how close they came to encountering “the roaring lion seeking someone to devour” is not important. What is important is that Satan doesn’t get a foothold to wreak havoc within our hearts or in our relationships with others.

Call to Action

Being of sober spirit and on the alert requires boundaries. Sometimes, those who are closest to us inflict the deepest wounds. Having strong personal boundaries acts as a shield to protect us from the hurtful attacks of others. Boundaries also help to separate what is true of us from the actions and/or opinions of others.

So, when the hurt and pain come, if your first response is to stop/look/listen. This will help you become sober in spirit. Once you are sober in spirit, you can then resolve your conflicts with others before the sun goes down. This prevents the enemy from getting a foothold and making you a tasty snack for the roaring lion to feed on, or letting him out of his cage to feed on others. Father, Your mercy and grace are new every morning, giving us the tools to respond and not react when others insult or hurt us. Let us heed Your example of being “slow to anger and abounding in steadfast love and faithfulness.” In the name of Jesus Christ, we pray, Amen!