The Prude and the Porn Star – Part Four
This seems to be turning into a series. It keeps coming back around with new lessons and each one is more difficult than the last one. When we last visited this issue, my husband’s sexual desires toward me were lessening and the open door of connection seemed to be closing. Rejection was damping my desire to sexually approach him and I was slipping into disobedience regarding the counsel God had given me. I didn’t understand at the time what was going on with him and why he was sexually disinterested. However, God was showing me that, whatever the reason, my relationship with Him was all the motivation I needed to be obedient to His counsel.
Then all hell broke loss! My husband’s mid-life crisis led him away into the arms of another. He fell in love with someone else and the emotional and physical ramifications threatened our marriage and my sanity. I have never felt pain like that! The prude got on her soapbox with self-righteous indignation, preaching the wrongness of it all. The porn star wanted to compete, to give the other woman a run for her money and win back her man. Believe it or not, God choose to work through the porn star this time. She had the fun, exciting, spontaneous passion my husband was looking for but didn’t see in me anymore. My husband saw my passion for God but didn’t see that produce a passion in my relationship with him. It’s sad when our passionate love for God doesn’t translate into a passionate love for others.
Thankfully, God helped me to fix that and rock my husband’s world. In the process, I discovered that the porn star has an important role to play for me as a woman both in my bedroom and in my marriage. Please don’t think I’m referring to sexual conduct that is inappropriate or physically harmful to the body. I know the world’s idea of a porn star is far different than what I’m referring to in this analogy. I just think that, especially in long-term marriages, women forget how to be fun, exciting, and spontaneously passionate when it comes to their sexual relationship with their husbands. I know I did!
As many women get older, they feel less attractive, less sexy, and a lot frumpier which doesn’t make for too much fun and excitement. Then to top it off, menopause hits and brings with it everything the enemy needs to compromise our sexual relationship with our husbands. If the husband is going through a mid-life crisis at this conjuncture, he becomes an easy target for the enemy to lure him into an extra-marital affair with a younger, more exciting woman who is eager to accommodate his sexual needs and silence his mid-life crisis insecurities. This leaves the betrayed spouse in the dust and divorced before they know what hit them. Please don’t hear this as a justifiable excuse for infidelity. It’s NOT! There is no justification for infidelity in marriage and it’s incredibly sad when areas of vulnerability (mid-life crisis and menopause) make us easy targets for the enemy’s destructive agenda of divorce.
Did the porn star save my marriage? Well, all I can say is…we’re still married and trying to work things out one day at a time. Did she win back my husband’s heart? No, not necessarily. That wasn’t God’s purpose for her. God used the porn star to remind me of what passion for my husband looks like and that sexual intimacy between a husband and a wife is worship to Him. Being a passionate worshiper in my bedroom is a whole new adventure for me. I’m discovering the fun, exciting, and spontaneous woman that the prude never allowed me to be, and my husband is seeing my love for God expressed in a whole new way. It’s a win-win for both of us. Take that Satan!